Validating Children’s Emotions

Validation is a way of letting your child know that you understand them and recognize their feelings or needs. Feeling understood has a direct relation to feeling connected and supported. When people who are close to them, such as teachers or parents, listen to the children’s emotions, it helps them tune into themselves and accept their emotions as real and meaningful. This support system empowers their growth of self-compassion and the capacity to be empathetic with others.

• "Dos" - Try to remember...

  Active listening - Show your child that you are listening by using phrases that summarize what they are saying. For example: “I see. You got angry at Bob for knocking over your tower. That must have been very frustrating, I know you worked hard on it.”

  Remember that children’s problems are as real to them as ours are to us - Something that might seem small to us as adults can be a very big deal to your child.

  Be genuine - Children can often tell when adults mean what they say versus when they're just saying the "right words." You may not actually understand why a misplaced sweatshirt deserves a huge meltdown. But you probably do understand the frustration of losing something that's important to you. Bear that in mind.

• "Don'ts" - Try to remember NOT to...

  Forget emotional self-control - Being able to place our emotions aside for a moment to help children regulate is crucial (help your child co-regulate).

  Negotiate - We want to help children through big emotions without negotiating or power struggles. Big emotions should not change a basic expectation to join their class in the morning, take a bath, be done at a playdate, etc. Even adding two more minutes in response to a big emotion can turn it into a negotiation.

  Suppress the feeling or directly say it's wrong - It's hard when a child says, "I hate you!" to a parent or about another child." Here are a few tips for validating the emotion and helping children have more accurate and constructive ways to work through it (It sounds like you are VERY angry, frustrated, disappointed, etc.). This is a great way to help children build Emotional Granularity.

At WHPS, our teachers use this intentional approach to validation as part of our focus on developing the whole child. This means that we focus on each child’s social and emotional growth as well as their academic growth. We always strive to validate the way the children are feeling and empower their ability to process and understand their emotions. This promotes confidence and will guide these lifelong learners through the world around them.