Raising Independent Children
One of the most important goals in parenting is to raise children who become independent and self-reliant. As preschool-age children grow, they become more independent in basic areas of living but still depend on you for love, protection, guidance, and support.
Independence is a gift you give your child that they will benefit from their entire lives. The responsibilities children have when they are 2-5 can help build an independent mindset that will have life-long benefits. Here are 7 ways parents can foster this.
Top 7 Ways to Build an Independent Mindset
#1 - Responsibilities
Children's responsibilities should center on: being responsible for their belongings, giving their best effort/giving opportunities a realistic try, and following through on commitments, as well learning to be cooperative and expressing appreciation and gratitude for others' efforts.
#2 - Be Explicit
Make a list with your child of their responsibilities. It can also be helpful to identify other people in your child's life who will have responsibilities (and what they are), such as teachers, coaches, or a nanny.
#3 - Clear Boundaries
Parents (and other caregivers) often overstep and take on their child's responsibilities for two reasons:
We think we are showing love by doing it for them.
We may want to avoid a power struggle or tantrum.
#4 - No Negotiation - (Say what you mean and mean what you say)
There should be consequences for not fulfilling responsibilities. The best consequences are removing something important to your child and giving them the control to get it back by acting appropriately (e.g., lose a privilege but earn it back). Remember, if you say: "If you push her again, we have to leave," when that next push happens, you must be ready to follow through. Natural consequences can also include not fixing or replacing something right away if your child breaks it.
HINT:
At WHPS, we believe how we speak to kids is incredibly important. But did you know a logical consequence does far more for brain development
than a lengthy conversation?
#5 - Mistakes & Failures
The reluctance of children [and some adults] to take responsibility for their actions is based on a desire to protect themselves from failure. Children can safeguard their egos from harm by blaming outside factors, such as other people, bad luck, or unfairness. Yet, responsibility is two sides of the same coin. Helping children learn to take responsibility for their mistakes and failures helps them own and take pride in their achievements and successes.
#6 Safety & Basic Needs
Early in children's lives, we keep them on a fairly short "leash" to ensure their safety. This care builds a sense of security by demonstrating that they have a safe place to return to if they venture too far and that you are there to protect them when needed.
#7 - If it's not a safety concern...
There is, however, a fine line between security and dependence. When your child has established their sense of security, allowing them to explore the world beyond the safety net you provide is important. Everything from pouring the cereal to carrying their backpack to putting away the toys, maybe even being a little uncomfortable if they forget their jacket (within reason), and setting clear limits/trusting that boundaries and consequences are quite literally building your child's brain. This push allows your child to test their capabilities in the "real world" and to find a sense of competence, security, and independence within themselves.
